Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in Michele's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
10:57 am	life changes well it seems that every 5 years or so my life changes, this time it took 7 years. i said i would not post in depth journals, but i think it helps sometimes. most just friends will read this. about 7 years ago i left england, my nice home and job, i came back to usa as a request of the family i had just met, they had told me to move back to be near family for once. so i did, but something happend and i ended up taking care of people, i was no longer just me and my kids. in order to support everyone i had taken on a job that i hated, i was put on medications and living in crap homes that depressed me to no end. i retreted into my computer and bedroom, i never came out of my room or off teh computer. i had met men that were no good, played games and were messed up more than i could ever be. there are a few exceptions, i met one great friend out of it, bill well 2 bill and daniel. so say the least because of my life style i became severly overweight and very low self esteem and on medications. well ive been off the meds now for a few years and dealing with my life slowly, things are starting to come clear here and there what is wrong with my life , whats been done to me, what i have done to others, most of all my children i was not raised with love, no hugs, no kisses, no i love yous, no toys, no play time and with old grandparents that finaly died when i was 14 than i was on the streets. i was tought that you provide for your children but thats about it. yes i love them very much but did not know how to act on it and i was angry at myself. i have so much guilt that no one can even understand it and i have to fix myself. the first thing i had done latley was to get all the people out of my house that have been using me. now after 7 years i will be going out on my own with just my new daughter and her father, tim is on his own now and ryan will be shortly, im taking half the money from the sell of this house and moving mid west somewhere, i will no longer help people. if someone needs a home i will direct them to the nearest welfair office. sure i will help people but not in my home and not to the extent anymore where it puts me and my family out. right now im waiting for this house to sell, we really need to get out of this town there is no work, i got to live near a city where bobby and i can find work. im still going to try my hand at buying fixer houses and resaling them MYSELF to see what im made of, i will start out very small at first. i will be doing a complete change around of my life and how i raise little karen, she will be raised with a church, possibly a snyagog, i want her to belive in something, i need order in my life, my life has been out of order for 7 years now, including my home. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
2:18 pm	hello there I have not writtin in here for a wile. Saturday I left for Mexico to visit a friend, it was the first time i drove there by myself, i got passed the boarder and got lost and ended up in some town were no one spoke english, it is strange that you can be in another world or country with just a few hours drive, it was like being in the twilight zone! i found somewere to park and called my friend jesus and told him, i dont care how you do it, just get to me. i could not read the street signs so i asked someome to talk to my friend, after this man sat there and pusshed buttons i finaly just stuck the phone to his ear and my friend asked him were i was and he told him, so back to my car i went and waited, my friend showed up, thank good. we went to his house after almost killing us several times in the car cause i dont know how they drive out there. he has a really nice house by the beach. we went threw his cds and by that time i was tried so he took me up stairs to his siters room were i slept. the next morning everyone was asleep and i tried to get the shower working but could not, so i washed up a bit. we than went to some plaza to see the ring 2, but the movie was not starting yet so we walked around and i found some cool Black drum sticks for a really good price. after the movie i was going to go home, so he took me to the boarder and there was the line from hell there and said no fuckin way, either i was going to get a hotel room or back to jesus house, he said i could go back to his house. we stoped on the beach for a wile and went for a walk, i found a necklace i wanted but no one would break 100 dollar bill, so there i was with 400 dollars and could not spend it, so jesus bought my necklace and im wearing it now. a bit later we went to a bar on the beach and i got drunk. we drunk larger and i had a shot of tequilla that i dont remember the tast of! all this without a shower and looking like shit! but for some reason it did not matter, i did not care what anyone thought of me anymore, i just wanted to have a good time and i did, ha ha ha, no makup, dressed like shit, hair was all sticky. and sweating from the humidity of the ocean there was this man sitting at a table using his text messageing on the phone all night long, jesus went int the bath room and i walked to the guy and told him, hey dude! it aint worth it, have a drink and be happy, no one is worth being unhappy over. he started talking to me, so i took him to our table. when she found out that he had companie, she showed up, so im happy, they were happy, the rest of the night was listening to metal, lots of maiden and some mexican metal which i really liked alot, and i kept speling beer on jesus. hes brother was in the bar as well, i hope i did not embaress him. i kept getting the bar tender to play maiden and the other one to help me back down the stairs to the table ha ha ha. when the night was finaly over for the bar, we said good by to the people we meet and one of jesus brothers friends took my car and drove us back to jesus house, we sat in the car listening to music most of the night, a lot of tristana. the next morning i was sick as a dog, jesus was really sweet, coverd me up, bought me a drink and kept checking if i was breathing ha ha ha and he also took off from work incase i got sick. sweet man any way i mad it home and now im sick, daniel is sick akkk its nothing i cought in mexico, i got a flu now! I have to say this, Mexico from what ive seen so far is very pretty, all this shit i heard about there food, drinks, water, is total Bullshit! id move there in a flash if i could, and if i could learn the language ha ha ha today i have a friend driving out to visit us , hes been driving for 4 days, i thought he was here yesterday but i was mistaken. poor guy, everyone is sick, what a welcome ha ha ha well anyway, jesus was really cool, hope we stay friends for a long time. as for me, its time to start my weight loss, a few things happend that made me more determined than ever this time, ill kill myself to lose this weight if i have to. just spent a small fortune on some pills that helped me the last time, but im going to workout till i drop and this time i will do it, cause at the end of it, there is something im going to do formyself that i dont want anyone to know and it will cost me a hell of a lot of money! so good luck to me Current Mood: determined (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
10:49 am	Old Ford Pickup Yesterday I bought a big old ford pickup truck with a big cabover camper on it, ive been wanting one for years. the camper has a shower and stuff. I went out and bought meterial for new curtains. its in pretty good shape, but i want to redo the inside. put up some nice wood paneling, curtains and its got carpet in it at the moment, but i want to put vinal down, cause we will be using it mostly for the beach and fishing, lakes etc.. the guy i bought it from was from az, orginally from here, but he wanted to get rid of it quick so it was on the corner for 1500, but he liked me, said i was a good person that needed a break. he saw daniel and we started talking. i told him that i had to resue daneil again, told him what i had been threw since oct, cause he mentioned that his wife was raped, well ex wife. anyway someone came by and offerd him 2000 for it, i thought i lost it, cause i kept trying to get ahold of jim but the phone was out of service, but he held onto it for me and i got it. well anyway, he came over to the house and i said he could sleep in the camper untill he goes home, he owns a home in dhs but people are living in it, so he asked if we needed help and he could stay in the camper, but were desiding that, i do need a lot of work done here. the kitchen we just got, tims room, theres a buss comming for ryan so much. now i have a van, bronco, mazda and truck. the van, bronco and truck need work, the truck just needs a little work done. im so excited i allways wanted a camper truck. when i dont need the camper i can use the truck. i got cars comming out of my ears. my next toy i want to get is a boat. randy and i were up really tired trying to figure out the kitchen, we have a plan now, its going to look good, i only have to buy 2 corner units. but were making the tops cause i want the counters wider than normal, and we got to get tile and another window, im putting in two windows facing the drive way, we got a window and door facing the pool now. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 19th, 2004
10:22 pm	got my new kitchen, yahoo. Did not go to school today, not feeling to well, either depression or PMS. proably both. ryan had an unusual request for his birthday, he wants a buss for his birthday, i know were there is a big one for 500 dollars, how to get it here i have not idea. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Monday, September 29th, 2003
12:57 pm	aggggggggg At the college library again, I dont think ill ever get threw this real estate, Ive changed my class to 5 to 8pm, that will make it easier so i can get the gym out of the way in the mornings. Ill still have to take danil tuesdays and thursdays, but that is when ill do my real estate. i have to take my gun test today, i hope i pass and they will also tell me if i passed the crimnal check. ill write more tonight and tell everyone how i did on my exam and back ground check. tommrow i have to call the high school tommrow at 7am to catch the damm councler, ive been trying for weeks. i got to get tim into school. at present were working on the cabin on my land for tim so he has his own space. well got to got study those god alfull vocab words! i just want to go see my baby neice, or well (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
12:43 pm	today sitting here at the college library with tim, daniel is in class about to get out. he scores are getting higher even though hes complaing all the way. lol. but i wont let him quit. its pretty quiet today. well talk more later. daniel just got out of class, going to get him a book or something. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 12th, 2003
5:42 pm	Miranda My 13 year old neice is missing in connecticute. her mother called here and said that miranda called her and told her that she was going bike ridding with her friend aleasha, but when her mom when to get miranda alisha had no idea where miranda is. right now its almost 9pm out there. Miranda has never done anything like this before, me and randy are worried sick, dont know what to do. maybe shes on a buss here. or with melissa. i hope she is. shes not the type of girl to pull something like this, but she is a teenager now. Current Mood: worried (Comment on this)